It was aliens.

I’m coming out of the anomalous, paranormal, UFO, woo closet, so get ready. Although I’ve compartmentalized this aspect of my life for my entire life, the truth is that I’ve had lifelong contact with non-human entities. These experiences had to be compartmentalized. They needed to be held separate. The few times I’ve spoken of them, I’ve been called crazy, or ridiculed, or just looked at blankly. People don’t know what to make of it, and honestly I can’t really blame them, because I barely know what to make of it myself. But it is real and it has changed me in profound ways. It is all wrapped up with my soul mission, my personal karma, my pre-life choices, my spirituality, and even my addiction and trauma.

These beings, this non-human intelligence first visited me in my childhood home, floating me out of my bed in the middle of the night, standing before me, insectoid, strange, but not foreign and not scary. They were there to check on me, to have conversations, or take me flying high up out of my body, out of the little valley I grew up in, out of this plane of existence. I was too young for this to be considered abnormal. Everything up to a certain age is just newness anyway, and this was just one new experience among many. Later in life, as I fell under the collective spell of the overculture, divorced as it is from our natural magic and from the profundity of our rich internal experiences, it became much harder to integrate. That’s when it was shocking and scary and disruptive and confusing.

They came to me just before I moved into a yurt to spend two years living close to nature. They came to me buzzing and glowing and gold and white, overwhelming my senses, saying “We’re here for you when you are ready.” It was then that I began to have regular sleep paralysis, out of body experiences and near death-like experiences. It was then that I began to hear voices and be visited by giant glowing spheres. It was then that an overwhelming need to step away from a “normal” life could not be ignored, and so I followed that feeling and gave everything away and moved onto 200 empty acres where I regularly saw UFOs and left my body to float out of the top of my little yurt and roam over the landscape.

They came to me later, after I’d left the yurt to begin my journey of transformation through the underworld where I faced the darkest parts of myself and my psyche and eventually learned to turn towards my own suffering as a sacred teacher. They came to me during those dark haunted times, saving me from myself when I was in the depths of alcoholism and codependent enmeshments. They stopped me in my tracks and upended my life with total compassion, saying it was, “This, or something worse,” as I literally fell, grounded, unable now to turn away from myself.

In December of 2019, just before covid started, they came to me again, buzzing and gold and white, pulling me out of my body, pulling me higher than I’d ever been, leaving me with a restlessness and a uncomfortable, unwelcome directive: “It is time for you to step into your soul mission, part of which is revealing yourself, speaking your truth into the world with courage and clarity.” I’m paraphrasing, but you get the point. In my usual resistant, fearful fashion, I solidly rejected that idea and decided to just stay in hiding forever. Thanks, but no thanks. Historically it hasn’t been super safe for people like me to speak up in this world. (Witch wound, anyone?) But the experiences ramped up, and the pressure became too much so finally I acquiesced, and wrote a book spilling it all (it will be ready for publication this fall). Once the book was nearly done, the pressure went away, but they came to me again anyway, this time walking right through the wall of my bedroom at 530am on a Tuesday morning, telling me all kinds of profound and interesting things that I’m still integrating.

These are just a few highlights of the consistent experiences I’ve had with otherworldly beings, light beings, some dark beings, and some beings I can’t even describe. It’s all been very exciting and very terrifying and very magical and very weird. After I recover from the ontological shock of each encounter, after I integrate the shifting foundations of reality, finding my footing once again, I am able to notice even more interesting things about these experiences. Like, they are almost always accompanied by a directive about saving the planet. They are bookended by Armageddon dreams, dreams of humanity moving through a time of great chaos and change, and then coming again into peaceful coexistence with our sacred earth. (I just learned that is a common thing that happens with experiencers… who knew?) I also notice that the worlds which I had kept so separate for so long, the consensus reality world, and the OBE world, and the NDE world, and the ghost/dead people world, and the spirituality and evolution of consciousness world, and the extra terrestrial or extra dimensional entity world, are all actually the same world.

The only way I’ve been able to hold all of this without going crazy over the years is to cultivate a lot of space inside of me, along with a resilience and ability to hold paradox and joy and love and suffering and pain and god and aliens and afterlife and the archetypes that roam around deep in our collective psyche. I have space for them all, and aside from a few things I know for sure, I really have more questions than answers. And that’s ok, too.

Now, I have been graced with a community of people who understand me. I reached out to helpers (my mentor, my group…info below) and they have been my cheerleaders, holding me in a network of love and support while I gathered the strength to hold it for myself. I honestly could not have even spoken these words without them. Vulnerability always makes me go weak in the knees with a shattering love, and these people are full of it. Strong spines, soft hearts, all of them.

So, there it is. Aliens. UFO’s. Here with me for all of my life. I know that this is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of what I’ll have to say about it all. But for now…. another fear faced. Another vulnerability met. Another moment of gratitude for this wild world. This is a big one for me. I have to give myself a little pat on the back, because this is all incredibly scary for me to admit. So, thank you in advance for not burning me at the stake for speaking the truth of my own experience. And if you’ve had any experiences like mine, let me know about them. And if you’ve had experiences like mine and aren’t afraid to speak them, I invite you to ask those around if they’ve had any. You’d be surprised at how many of us walk around with this stuff, with no safe place to speak it.

(my mentor, Stuart Davis… https://aliensandartists.com/ https://theliminalmuse.com/)
(The Experiencer Group… https://www.theexperiencergroup.com/)