Last night as I was praying
Laying wrought
Weaving around myself a spell
Creating space,
Drinking grief from the holy well
Warp and weft on my loom
Building my own little womb
Where I can finish becoming.
Let me be safe
so I can do the work I came to do,
I felt my guides and ancestors and allies
and still I felt my fear rise, in my gut
so I went farther back, higher up,
and asked for God to make himself known,
to remind me I am loved and have a home
beyond this place where work is hard
where joy is calling to be shown.
I finally drifted off to sleep and dreamed that God was a woman,
and thought, No, that can’t be,
God a woman?
So I checked again, and yes, eternal feminine energy.
With a lap big enough for you and you and me
to all to crawl into and Oh, I thought,
all of the men will be so mad
if I say this out loud, and I’ll be caught.
And backed into a corner to plead and explain
to reassure them that it doesn’t mean
that God is not
a man
and how, I thought,
can I make sure
I don’t call forth the God of wrath
that none are banished or removed
and it has nothing to do with any of that
but only with the love that is behind us all,
inside us all on our behalf.
Afraid of what a man would say
about a dream of mine and what do I know anyway,
I thought and thought until I forgot
that I dreamed God was a woman.
And in the morning light
because I spent so much time last night
trying to fight
against the ones who will say that I am wrong
I am too tired to explain that I know, I know
God is both and more, an eternal song.
But last night She came to me
And I can assure you we
are in her lap,
safe and warm and loved and home.